Masks
by Dell
Summary: Rated T because of the Angest, just in case. A look into the inner mind of Severus Snape, as he discoveres things about himslef through a series of letters. a few new characters, but I will be careful in introducing them. All I can Say is poor Sev. Bas


My first fan fiction ever, wow! Well, I am a writer, but lately ideas that are original are evading me. Ah well. 'sides, I am doing this for a friend. It is based of the fanficiton "Letters to Snape, which was done by Flair Venoia, the Slytheren Queen ( sorry if I misspelled that flair). Anyhow, here it is, my first fanficiton, I am Dell, and I like reviews. I APPEICATE FLAMES especially if they regard my use of dictation, or sentence structure.

Riko: why are you doing this, you have another novel to work on

That is my muse, Riko. He is a character from an earlier novel I wrote, and he wasnte me to get to work and revise it. So, he is not happy about this. I tell him that it is good exercise, but, ah well. 'sides, he isin the other novel, so of course he wants me to finish-

Riko: DELL!

Alright, alright, Geeze.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Series, it belongs to J.K.Rowling. I also do not own "Inkheart" it belongs to Funke, but I mentioned that in the fic. Nor Do I own Flair, or "Letters to Snape" the Ideas herein are a result or our rpg-ing, and her fanficiton. It is totally unoriginal. Except for the things with the fates I totally own them

Homer and Hestoid: WE'LL SUE

Ok,ok, I guess some Greek guys thought them up first. Remember, I like the falmes, but don't say stuff like Harry Potter sucks. I want flames on my originality as a writer and my apparent skill.

On with the fic

_Masks can be very useful. With masks, we can hide our feelings when they would harm or hurt others. When we don't want people to know we are hurting, or sad, we can put on a mask of indifference, anger, or hatred. The same applies when we are feeling more positive emotions, empathy, love, and joy. When there are those who would harm us, hurt us, for our feelings, we can slip into our mask, and hide until a better time to experience the emotions we feel we must hide. _

_However, sometimes it is difficult to take off the mask. Sometimes, it is far easier to hold up the disguise, rather then look at the pain on our faces and see the traces of hurt, sorrow, rage, and unrequited love. Sometimes, it is far easier to believe that we are the mask. More often then not, this is the case. More often then not, our masks are so realistic, that we fool everyone. And sometimes, we fool ourselves. Sometimes, we get so comfortable in our masks that we forgot to take them off. We forget that we are wearing them. We see our masks in the mirror, and think they are the real face. We believe it, even though the face beneath is aching to get out._

_If you don't take the mask off everyone once in a while... It will get hard to breath_

_If you don't take off the mask from time to time, you will suffocate._

I wanted to go back to my chambers and sleep for a few days. I don't think that's too much to ask. Especially when considering the week I had. Exploding cauldrons, Death Eater meetings, Exploding cauldrons, Crucio at the hands of other death eaters, exploding cauldrons, Albus' insane therapy, exploding cauldrons, insulting letters due to the "fan mail" service, exploding cauldrons, staff members, and, if I haven't mentioned it already, exploding cauldrons.

Needless to say, I haven't had a very good week. You see, Dumbledore has decided that I needed therapy. I...err... Sort of

flash back

Wednesday, several weeks ago:

Hufflepuff and Slythren first year students.

" … Ingredients are on the board, get to work..." I sat down to grade a few papers. Of course, I never got very far. There was a knock on the door.

'Damn it, who is disrupting my class?' I got up, opened the door. It was Sylvia Sinatra. 'Damn woman, why are you always in my way as of late!' I thought. She had been trying to engage in useless chit chat. She never tried to talk to me before. Why now, what does she want?

She rambled on about some useless chatter about some sort of staff social. What the Hell? Why do we have these things? I'm always forced to go, so I waste a few hours of my precious time drinking coffee, or whatever they may have there, until I can leave while still being polite... Not that I would care, but the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes would go nuts.

Chatter, chatter, I don't care, I have a class to go to...

crash

The crash was followed by yelling, and laughing. Damn, what happened now? Being a potions master is a liability.

I had though something exploded.

No.

A cauldron had been overturned. All the tables had turned into a slushy type of substance, and a "snow ball" war had erupted.

I opened my mouth to bring some order to my class. Take a few hundred house points. Yes, even from my own students.

However, I opened my mouth, and a glob of the slush was thrown in.

Panic!

What is this stuff, is it dangerous, how did it come to be in this form, is there an antidote?

Laughter. A spark of memory. I was a sixteen year old boy again. I had a foul tasting soap in my mouth, and everyone was laughing... Laughing

"I don't need help..."

"Snivillius"

"From filthy little mudbloods..."

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"

"LIKE HER"

"I'd wash my pants if I were you, Snivellus"

"Mudbloods..."

I spat out the ball of slush. My face was covered in the stuff. Sylvia was laughing, and my students didn't even know I was there.

I rose myself up to my full height, squared my shoulder, Project, I know how to project, I learned that much all my time on a stage. Strange that I would think to project at a time like this.

And such language I projected. I called my students every name under the sun, took every house point, and gave enough detentions to keep Filch busy for a couple of years.

Then I turned on Sylvia "and I'm sure you though that was a laugh riot! Of course, if it's me, it's always funny! Let's distract Severus, so his class can get out of control, its only potions, not dangerous in the least, and don't help him when he is suffocating on a ball of slush that could be poisoned! Oh no, he'll survive, he'll breath through his huge nose!

Keeping mind, I cleaned all that up…exponentially. I never knew I could swear like that. Not out loud at least. And in so many different languages... it was the most cultured mess of foul language ever.

Dumbledore was not impressed, especially since several students, from both houses fled the class in tears.

end flashback

Well, thanks to all that Dumbledore though it was time for some therapy... and he though, during the therapy, where I basically agreed with everything he said about me, that it would be a good idea to connect with people. Let people know the real me.

Like Hell

However, he though up this insane "Letters to Snape" business. People send me letters, I have to answer them. And most of them have not been very nice. _Why_ do people _insist _on commenting on my looks? _You_ spend a few hours in a potions class. First, you'll know why I have fire proof hair gel in my hair at all times, and second, your know what potion fumes do to hair.

As for my nose… well… maybe madam Pomfrey...

Of course, what am I saying? Doing that would let them know they got to me. And _that_ is not happening.

Anyway, amidst my therapy, the Dark Lord, was worried that I may blab some secret to Dumbledore (If only he knew the truth. Exploding cauldrons would be the least of my worries) so, he decided that I needed some painful reminders to not blab. So, I spent last night being crucioed.

And, of course, the rest of the staff finds the therapy and letters all quite comical, I'm sure. Oh yes, they may say not to worry about it, and that in a few years, no one will even remember, but I can see them laughing on the inside.

Maybe if I quit…

Severus's Wild Imagination

"That's it, I've had it, I quit! Find someone else to teach your damn potions!" I get up, dash into my office, and start packing a suitcase. Everything fits on one suitcase. Makes for a cleaner, better leave

"Now now Severus, no need to quit... How about this; no more therapy? And, you can teach Defense against the dark arts... and you need only teach the Slythrens, of course, no reason why you have to teach Gryffindors...

"Well..."

"And, of course, you can expel students at will. I'm old and insane; I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

"Well, headmaster, only if you insist-"

BOOM

Damn it. There is sound that had become far too common as of late. Guess what it was? No, not an imploding glass, no, not student breaking the speed of sound running from my level 5 glare.

It was Longbottom's exploding cauldron.

Oh, the joys of teaching. Everything, including myself, was covered in neon Orange and pink goo. How did he get it to go two different colors? Maybe, he is really a world class potions master, and only comes here to make my life a hell by making messes and exploding cauldrons and shortening my life span.

No, I'm not paranoid. Everyone really is out to get me.

I stood up and loosened the robes from my arms (they were stuck with goo) and walked over to Longbottom. I managed to realize that there was a glob of pink on my nose, and pulled it off before I went into "Evil potions teacher" mode. Glare level 5, ready, sharp words, sharpened. Countdown, three, two, one

"You Imbecile, can't you do a simple potion right? There are students in my first year class who could make this potion, and yet you, who manage to get into my Newt level, cannot attempt it without trying to destroy the school!" I could have done better, but I had a hard week. Ah well, I could make up for it in my finishing moves … "50 points from Gryffindor, and detention, Longbottom! Be here at 8." Well, I sure as hell wasn't cleaning up this mess... "Your all dismissed" there was only about five minutes of class left, and I needed to get cleaned up. I had to go to my nieces for the Letters to Snape bit...The fates that be hate me...

in the realm of the gods

Compassion: karma, Irony, fate, what do you guys have against Snape?

Fate: nothing

Irony: you see, we got bored, and we decided its time we have fun. I mean, we have all

these cool powers, and nothing to do with them...

Karma: yeah. Besides, if he gets his karma now, he will be happy later. So long as I

balanced everything out in the end...

Compassion: have you guys been drinking?

Fate: were Demi- gods. Of course we have. We have to. We watch humans all day long... you can't do that without some kind of drug, and still maintain your sanity...

Compassion: Just be nice...

Irony: hey, fate, let's get _them_ involved.

Fate: … you mean…?

Hogwarts

"Laughter and Twinkies for all!" Albus called out in the hallway. I sighed and pressed myself to the side of the wall to try to hide. Apparently Albus was giving out Twinkies and joke books... I think the man is going crazy...

I decided to take another path to get to my chambers, but apparently, the fates that be didn't think so. Orange goo on my back stuck me to the wall.

"Damn!"

"Severus?" Albus walked over to me. Damn damn damn, not my day. "AH

SEVERUS, How are you. Here, have a Twinkie, I'm all out of joke books... Sorry.

"It is nothing headmaster." I muttered as I reached for my wand, which was stuck to the wall. I pulled it off, pulling it with such a force that my hand went flailing about in a much undignified way. I hexed the goo.

"Well headmaster, I must be off"

"What? Come on Severus, I could tell you a few jokes, since I'm out of books..."

"I have to go to respond to the Letters to Snape with my niece, headmaster" Yeah tell him that, then he will leave me alone

"AH very well then, it cannot be helped. So long Severus..." he skipped off... yes, skipped. I looked at the Twinkie in my hand.

"These things are 59 years old…" I muttered. Maybe they get potent with age?

I didn't run, but I walked with a lot more speed then normal. I was covered in Pink and orange goo. I wanted to get it off, before too many teachers and student saw me, and had a good time laughing at it later. So, as I turned a corner, of course...

BLAM

I bumped right into Sylvia. Figures

"Oh, Severus, nice to... err..." she tried to move away from me, but was stuck to the goo.

"Potions accident. Longbottom." I reached for my wand, but I couldn't find it. All I found was that Twinkie.

"Damn it, I can't find my wand." Sylvia tired to push herself off, but just managed to get her head stuck to my chest. Maybe it was on purpose. I Wondered about this for moment, then berated myself 'Severus, you told yourself a long time ago…"

"Err... Severus, how do we get off? Oh, I mean, come on. I mean-" Sylvia had turned a nice shade of red by now. I smirked inwardly. At least this way, she wouldn't be laughing at this behind my back. She would be more worried about me... though I wouldn't say anything.

"Do you have your wand?" I asked. She nodded into my chest, and handed me the wand. I blasted some of the goo, but also managed to blast most of my shirt. Sylvia turned redder and ran off.

Say what you want about my hair and my nose, I'm in damn good shape, I did a lot of swimming in my youth, I apparently have a swimmers body.. So, I'm in good shape. I could not let myself go to rot, like some people...

I got to my chambers without any further incident. I changed out of my torn, tattered, and goo-ed clothes and threw them in the trash and took a shower. I got out, and had some time before I would have to apperate to Flair's. What to do…

If I didn't do something soon, I would brood. I could feel a dark, brooding mood coming over me, as it does from time to time

I sat in a chair and took up a book; I could read for a little while. I opened the book, and stared at the pages without taking in a word. A smudge in the corner caught my eye. I looked closer... It was blood

flashback

Another prank, everyday, it was another prank. I couldn't take it I couldn't stand IT. I had to get away for a little while. I found a quite corner in the castle, and took out a book, but I couldn't concentrate, No, I kept hearing the laughter, the faces, they didn't care, they were like wolves, like vultures, trying to get their amusement for the day! Was that I was! Amusement!

I ran my fingers through my hair. Is that all I was? Didn't they care? Was I that insignificant to them! Why, damn it, why! Why couldn't they leave me alone!

I started to scratch my head, letting the hair run through my fingers. It was somewhat claming. I reeled and bent forward to let the blood go back into my head

"..Please God... I can't take this much longer... Please, do something, or give me some strength... Please, don't let me fall. I'm so afraid... So afraid I may lose control. So afraid I may do something desperate."

I took my hands from my head and clasped them in front of me. I was a catholic, but not religious, I found it odd I was doing this

"God please" I felt tears run down my face "God please, let this stop. Let them stop. Just give me some peace. Please, let something happen to make it all better. Don't let me... don't let…" my voice gave way to shuddering sobs that tired to form words.

As I calmed down, I looked at my fingernails. They were full of blood. I gently ran my fingertips over my scalp. I felt the deep scratches. I had been doing that more and more lately, scratching my scalp. Frustration, I guess. I picked up my book and started to read. I smudged the corner of the book with the blood on my finger.

end Flashback

I looked at the book in horror, and closed it and thrust it into the bookshelf. I grabbed another book. It was my favorite book, and I always seemed drawn to it when I was upset. How many times have I read it? The book, it comforted me in my darker hours. I hugged it briefly, and opened it. I smelled the pages of the book first. They were yellowing with age, but it was still in good shape. The red and gold cover, with the foggy country side picture on it was a comfort on its own. I sat down and started to read

"Rain fell that night, a fine, whispering rain. Many years later, Meggie had only to close her eyes and she could still hear it, like tiny fingers tapping on the windowpane" (Funke, Inkheart. 2003(?) page 1)

I read the words out in a whisper as I did the first time I started to read the book. The very first time. The words of another still ringing in my ears.

An hour later, I was back to my old self, and ready to go. I apperated to Flair's to work on the letters. Luckily, Fred was not there. Fred Weasly happens to be my niece's boyfriend. They are always snogging in front of me. If I ruled the world, people would not be allowed to do that. I had a funny thought all of a sudden

Severus' funny thought

A boy walked through the halls of Hogwarts. He was upset, and had been crying. His girlfriend had stood him up. How could she do that? Still, he was sure there was a good reason for it.

He turned the corner, and there was his girlfriend, kissing some muggle born

"Sara!"

"Oh, my God, Tom, I'm so sorry"

"TOO LATE! I'm gonna rule the world, and you won't be allowed to kiss in public! Then this kind thing wont happen" He stormed off

'Tom, wait" Sara ran after him, but the other boy stopped her

"Don't worry, he'll get over this"

End funny thought

Severus almost chuckled at this.

He walked into Flair's room... Flair was sitting at the computer, and flipping through the letter that had been sent. Some were e-mailed. Some were owled,

"Any interesting letters?"

"Hi uncle Sev..." She said. "'Fairly Odd Parents' tonight. Are you staying to watch?"

I felt my cheeks burn momentarily. "Of course I am" I muttered. I hate blushing

'Better get used to it.'

"What the hell?" I said

"What is it?" Flair asked

"N-nothing. I thought I heard something. I thought I heard... oh, never mind. Probably going crazy from all the therapy…" Flair laughed. Then I got the joke.

"The fates are trying to talk to you..." Flair said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't believe in fate" outside, a streetlight went out. Flair giggled and looked at the letters. "You only got a few today..." she said

"Alright, I'm ready."

One from Jinx, her friend is still comatose..."

"That's always good." I muttered. Flair smirked.

"One from Dumbledore... really, Severus, you shouldn't try to poison people... He wants you to do three therapy sessions a week now..."

"Three! I just got it down to one a week! He cannot do this to me! Maybe I should look into a different therapist... I wonder if he's eaten his lemon drops yet..."

"Severus... what did you do?"

"_Nothing!_ Why do you suspect me?"

"Your right, you're just _so_ innocent..." flair snapped. She rolled her eyes and looked at the final letter.

"You got one from someone named Dell… you know any Dell's?"

"Dell? Didn't you say your computer was a…"

"Apparently, it's this girls name… Here, read it." She handed the letter to me. I hoped it wasn't a hex. I try not to read letters from strange people, in case they send hexes... But, I'm forced into doing things... I read the letter

Dear Professor Snape,

I sympathize with you. I really do. I know people can be very mean, especially when they are young. I also realize that it is very difficult, near impossible, really, to lose the image that people have of you. Which is why I want to say that I think you are very brave to go back to your school, where the problems all started, and teach there for a living. I know people think you are mean, But I think Jaded is a better word. oh, and I personally like the bat look, and was wondering, Out of curiosity, do you really have black eyes, or just really dark brown?

-Dell

"Suck up..." Sympathy is fine, but I don't need it. Especially from some suck up.. Most likely, she was some Hufflepuff who was terrified of me, and hoping to get "on my good side" ( as though I have one) and, Brave? To come back to school to teach? I thought about it for a moment. Perhaps it was. Facing the past and all that.

"Okay..." I muttered, as I re-read the letter for a final time. "Here is my response."

Dear Dell,

I appreciate your sympathy. But it just seems as if you are sucking up to me. Are you sure you aren't a Hufflepuff? Anyhow I am a bit jaded but thanks to the school therapist, who happens to be Dumbledore himself, I've been able to come to terms with my past. I know you might ask how I've come to terms with my past. Well that's easy really; I take out all my anger and frustration on moronic students such as Potter. By the way my eyes are black but I prefer the term onyx.

Sincerely,

Professor Severus Snape

Flair typed up the letter and then we moved on to the others. Jinx's letter. The girl should have been in Slytheren, not Ravenclaw... However, I do not hold that against her. After all, where the hat placed her is not her fault... she at least knows which house is the best one... and she hexed Ronald Weasly.. Honestly, it's letters like this that make my day. It had a hardcore Slytheren supporter and a hexed Gryffindor, And a Weasly to boot.

Well, I guess the twins aren't all bad. They always did well in potions al least... and they knew better then to pull pranks on me during my classes.

Finally, I answered Dumbledore's letter, and I was finished. I threatened to get another therapist, and warned him about his lemon drops. He'll probably take that as a change of heart, rather then an attempt to stay out of as much therapy as possible. The man pries far too much for my liking

"Ok, were done for now." Flair said. I rolled my eyes.

"You have no idea how much I hate this" I muttered

"It's not my fault. Its Dumbledore's... and besides, their only a few letters... What impact could they have?

realm of the gods

Compassion: fate, you're really evil, you know that?

Fate: I know. You think I should break out the poetic justice that vengeance gave me for Christmas?

Compassion: and your really gonna get THEM involved?

Fate: yeah. Why not, come on, it will be fun.

Compassion: … you're crazy.

Love it? Hate it? Tell me, review! And Read "Letters to Snape" not mine, but funny.


End file.
